RR #2 Kimmel

“Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, written by sociologist Michael Kimmel, was originally published in his book titled: “Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men” (2008). In this excerpt, Kimmel explains that “guys”, or young men between the ages of sixteen and twenty-six, have an extreme amount of pressure weighing down on their shoulders to be as masculine as possible. This pressure, which can be explained through “The Guy Code”, starts at an extremely young age. Not only this, but more than any other influence in their lives they experience the pressure in the most intense aspects from other men: fathers, brothers, friends, coaches, grandfathers, uncles, etc. If a guy strays from “The Guy Code” even slightly other men use effeminacy to reprimand the behavior promoting violence, independence, lack of emotion, fear of vulnerability, etc. Kimmel argues that men are not just biologically hard-wired to be masculine – that the development of masculinity has very much to do with male culture – also explaining that the root of this issue ultimately is the “fear of other men” causing men to become extremely angry and depressed individuals (613). Human beings have been reduced to male robots and female objects. What happened to life?

                Kimmel explains on page 609 the “The Guy Code”, or standard of masculinity set for every male, summarizing it into a “Real Guy’s Top Ten List”:

                1. “Boys Don’t Cry”

                2. “It’s Better to be Mad than Sad”

                3. “Don’t Get Mad – Get Even”

                4. “Take It Like a Man”

                5. “He Who has the Most Toys When he Dies, Wins”

                6. “Just Do It” or “Ride or Die”

                7. “Size Matter”

                8. “I Don’t Stop to Ask for Directions”

                9. “Nice Guys Finish Last”

                10. “It’s All Good”

In my own life, I have experienced every single one of these rules even though I am a female. Between my dad, my grandfathers, my uncles, my guy friends, my past boyfriends, and even acquaintances, it has become obvious that this cultural male mindset is real and extremely devastating. One prime example that comes to mind is the life of my father. From early on, he was a very sensitive, introverted, caring, kind, and vulnerable guy. This was immediately used against him by his alcoholic, ex-Marine Corp. father, his troubled, older brother, and his mentally unstable mother; only to be continued by peers in school.  Over the years of constant physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, he became extremely depressed. He was able to leave that life behind by joining the Navy, military being one of the most masculine institutions. Fast forward fifteen years, my dad finds himself the father of four daughters and the only male in the house. Although I’m sure he experiences some form of effeminacy still to this day, he really has been released by the “straightjacket” that is “The Guy Code”. I’ve seen the pain that this code causes in my father’s life and so many others. I cannot comprehend how biologically this could possibly promote success and therefore must be caused by something other than evolution. I understand that the code is extremely engrained in culture and has been since the beginning of man, but what I want to know is what will it take for men to have enough and strip the straightjacket of masculinity from their lives, as a whole? Is that even possible?